As my son approaches his senior graduation in six months, 2017 became the year to reflect and remember. Some say don’t look back, but we must, if we are to learn from the past and understand how our daily choices and thoughts leads us to right where we are right now.
I never knew that a big part of my identity was rooted in motherhood. I had thought that I had my own ‘intense sense of purpose’ besides being my son’s mom.
However, I happened to be wrong.
You might think this realization brought on the inner-side of me that wants to reflect more, but just the opposite. I showered my heart and soul with more love.
After looking back over the last 18 years, I see much sacrifice and devotion. I made choices that didn’t always make sense to others, but they did to my mother’s instinct.With this year ending and the new year beginning and my son graduating in 2018, I am grateful to my younger ‘mom self’ that rooted her purpose in motherhood. While other my other titles, ‘wife,’ ‘writer,’ ‘marketing executive,’ ‘yogini’ all are fabulous, too, becoming a mother was just what I was born to do.
I have that now with my family of three-my husband, who has made Jackson the center of his own world and raised him like his own son and Jackson, my soon-to-be-18-year-old-that’s-off-to-college.
They say ‘It goes fast.‘
That expression doesn’t exactly capture the truth. You think when you are a young mom with the days stretched for hours and beyond, that motherhood will continue on forever.
And, motherhood does…in different chapters.
I recently won a yoga retreat to my favorite place in the world, Lake Louise, Canada at the Fairmont Chateau. The retreat helped me define my feelings of motherhood and redirect my thoughts to higher ground. In Yoga, Zen—non-attachment is key. Of course, easier said than done. And, I have written in one of my books, LIVE LOVE SOUL that I find “Non-Attachment” to be a find a balance of truth, love and reality. This is true for motherhood, too. While, I was at my retreat I came up with an affirmation that has given me much solace and reprieve from that aching ’empty nester’ feeling:
*”There are no losses in motherhood. Only new beginnings.”
After returning home, my buoyant step has returned. My shoulders are back. My eyebrows are relaxed, and once again, all is well in the world.
I see now how mothers all over the world (and including fathers) must suffer from this feeling–a loss-that we feel when our children grow up and leave home.
Now the future is his to create and make. We still have a few months ahead of us before graduation. He is wrapping up his college applications. I am proud of him no matter what college he ends up choosing. I am just excited he had the courage to reach for the moon.
Turn away from the doom-gloomers, the naysayers, those that say it can’t be done and go for your dreams ANYWAY. We don’t always achieve every dream, but isn’t that the point? Living, dreaming, trying, carving out the best possible life you possibly can? With each step a new door can open. With each goal, a new dream can be achieved.
Jackson has a few favorites in California. I am not sure which one it will be. I am just thrilled he has the courage to dream big and explore his own future.
When we have the courage to say YES to life, amazing things can happen. Doors unexpectedly open. Opportunities knock on our door. Never let the safety net of home keep you back. Fly to new heights.
So now I am here at the end of 2017, looking back. I am proud of myself as his mom. I put aside my own feelings and allowed his to become first, just what my parents did for me, too. The sand does keep going down the hourglass. Chapters change. Life remains…if we are so lucky enough to keep on living.
Motherhood changes but the mothering remains.
*Some would argue that this affirmation is not true. It depends on how you define your own version of motherhood. For me, this affirmation has worked wonders!